Well guys I realize it's been a full 8 days since I've written anything as I'm feeling pretty conflicted. I again want to share some positives and negatives that I'm hoping will explain my absence (again, these will be categorized because my Type A personality only allows me to make things with lists and bullet points in this blog - ha).
I'm going to start with the negatives because I've really been struggling with a few things. . .and I'm looking for feedback - so here goes
Negatives
1. I don't really feel good eating this way.
I'm okay energy wise but when I get in the gym I find myself unable to muster the energy to really hit the workout the way I want to.
What's even more difficult for me to come to terms with is that I
a. don't know what is making me feel this way. . .could it be
i. the small amount of carbs I'm eating (most days the majority of my carbs come from veggies as prescribed and many people I know eat this way so why am I reacting in this way)
ii. general stress in my life (I have some big test results I've been waiting for)
iii. this really weird lack of caring about my gym results. . .(okay - I'm being honest here). It's not like I don't care. . .let me take that back - it's more the idea that I feel in some weird, crazy way like I'll never be good at crossfit. I don't know why I feel that way - I know that I'm making gains in the gym but for some reason I've gotten it in my head that there are just so many things at crossfit I'm 'bad' at. Destructive and ridiculous - I KNOW. But again, I'm being honest
b. the other thing that is difficult for me to come terms with is that I wasn't eating dramatically different from this. So to feel this different is strange and odd.
2. So here I am - more than halfway through the challenge and wondering at the end what the impact will be. It's not all negative (positives will be detailed below in list format) but I'm wondering A LOT (and probably too much) if I'm going to stick with this. Why? How? In so many ways I'm wondering (like many aspects of my life) what I'm willing to sacrifice in order to have this ideal body I want (which is at least 15 lbs of body fat away).
Am I willing to give up coffee in my creamer? And why do I look at it like 'giving up' something, rather than gaining this ideal body I want.
I think part of me realizes now, in order to get to that dream body I will have to push harder and do things I really (at this point) don't know if I want to do.
Okay, so enough negatives - at least you all know what I'm struggling with. . .and although I know so many of you will read this and think that I'm not thinking rationally, this is just me and my struggles, irrational and all =)
Positives
1. I have the willpower of an ox
a. I haven't cheated once. NOT ONCE. Not one sip of alcohol, dark chocolate, NOTHING. I am AMAZED. I have gone to football games, parades, festivals, block parties, and watched other people eat fried foods and funnel cakes and have munched on my coconut and deli meat (hormone free and minimally processed of course - http://www.hormelnatural.com/)
b. Have I mentioned I haven't cheated once =)
2. I am a COOKING MACHINE.AND I'm a cooking machine on the budget of a graduate student. Not only do I have more spices in my cabinet than I have ever had in my adult life, I realized I enjoy cooking and get REALLY excited when I can copy a recipe. . .and speaking of. . DRUM ROLL PLEASE
I have PERFECTED the flax seed cracker recipe from R. Thomas. http://www.rthomasdeluxegrill.net/ (PLEASE go eat there if you haven't). If you're eating Paleo the last time you had a cracker was. . .. .a LONG time ago so I hope you enjoy it. I have named these
Jasmine's Cracker Delight
This is an AWESOME snack option. OBVIOUSLY serve with guacamole
Ingredients
-either whole flax seeds or ground (I buy them whole because they are cheaper and grind them in my coffee grinder - you could do the same in a food processor)
-egg whites
-oil (I used coconut - you can use olive oil)
-some sort of seasoning (I used garlic salt - but if you don't like this, use whatever type of seasoning you like)
-sea salt
Instructions
-Preheat oven to 325 degrees
1. Grind up 3/4 cup of flax seeds into a meal and pour into a bowl
2. Add 3-4 egg whites. . .this varies depending on the size of your eggs, etc. You want to create a dough type mixture that is MOIST but not gooey. If it's too gooey add more of the flax seed meal.
3. Add two spoonfuls of coconut oil
4. Add your seasonings. The way I did this is to add seasoning and mix until I could smell the seasoning from the bowl. This is KEY. Remember - flax seeds by themselves are pretty disgusting so you want your cracker to taste like the seasoning you use. I used a BUNCH of garlic salt and a pinch of sea salt.
5. Drop your moist but not gooey mixture (again, the mixture should not be able to pour out of the bowl) onto parchment paper. Than roll it out by placing another piece of parchment paper on top and rolling it (I didn't have a roller so I used a large vase)
6. This is another KEY step in this recipe. You have to roll this out thin - like PAPER thin. Like it could even have 'holes' in the dough when it's rolled out. If it is not thin it will cook and taste like thick flax seed. . .again, disgusting (trust me - this is my third time making this)
7. Bake for 10-15 minutes (varies depending on your oven but timing doesn't really matter)
8. When you take them out they should be really crisp and break easily (if they don't it means you made them too thick)
9. Let them cool for a few minutes and DEVOUR
So bye for now - hope this wasn't debbie downer blog post as I don't intend for it to be. Just wanted to share and get feedback. How are you all doing? Where's everyone's head at?
HUGS through the INTERWEBS =) (I can't, I really can't stop myself)
You know I read all your posts? Its the ONLY way I ever know anything thats goin on in your life because you refuse to come out your hole. Im no crossfitter, but this is just my opinion:
ReplyDeleteI don't believe in following strict rules in life. Maybe it works for like 0.05% of the population but most people need their 30 calorie "coffee creamer" (the non-dairy, French Vanilla, little cup ones.) YUP, i know that. If anything, maybe after your 30 days, you will figure out the extent to which you can handle this regimen in a way that suits your body (cuz isn't everyone's different?)
Just sayin', this hardcore thing youre doin right now, keep reminding yourself that youre doing it to achieve a short term goal. And once youve met that goal, youre probably going to have to re-assess and re-introduce anyway.
You're not giving up coffee creamer for good, just for now. And its probably good that youre struggling with those questions now, cuz once youve met your goal, you'll probably be ready to answer them.
Love ya, see ya tomorrow.
Re: this doubt as to whether you'll ever be "good" at Crossfit, I'm going to tell you the same thing I keep telling myself. Maybe one of us will finally take it to heart and listen.
ReplyDeleteDon't be so hard on yourself. Even small, steady improvements are great ones. The fact that you're training regularly at all is the important thing. You're doing something great for yourself. You're taking care of your body, SO MUCH MORE than most of the world. So who cares if you never get "good" at Crossfit? Maybe you will. Maybe you won't. Maybe it doesn't matter because if you stick to it and celebrate your milestones, no matter how big or small, you're making progress. Challenge yourself regularly and don't obsess over whether you're better than someone at the gym, or some famous CF'er, etc. Chin up, girl! You are so motivating.